What does it mean?

I'm no expert in the science of dreams. My dreams are often weird, sometimes vivid and occasionally disturbing. I`ve woken up crying; once laughing. Generally speaking, I have a fairly good recall - even to the wonderment of when something atypical happens (for me) like intense colours or smells. Sure, in the dreams I often feel like it`s real, but the surrounding colours don`t stand out.

Some say that dreams are the brain`s way of playing out the activities of the day, the worries of the future... and that`s what makes me query my dream of last night.

I was in a specialized centre for children with Autism with Torran. There were other parents and children there, waiting to be assigned to groups for therapy. After my group was created, mothers were saying things like my child doesn`t have as many words as yours does or your son actually talks to you. I was beginning to feel that he was being judged for being too high functioning, therefore inappropriate, for the group. It was a little hard to shake off when I woke up.

Earlier in the day, his new nursery school teacher had said she found him very mildly autistic that she might not have known had I not told her (of course, she`s only had him for five days). I have also had a conversation recently with the speech language pathologist for his upcoming group speech therapy, in which there will be other children with speech needs (not necessarily with Autism).

I read an article this morning about a mother who was amazed at her son`s ability to socialize in the absence of her teaching him social skills. Her son was three and inviting people to pretend salami sandwhich picnic lunches at school, offering popsicles to the neighbour and saying hi to just about everyone and enquire about their activities. I have tried to teach similar nuances to Torran, but he doesn`t get it.

Inevitably, comparisons between children are made by parents - even amongst parents with differing or special needs. Torran has advances in some things over other children, yes. But if you spend enough time with him, you`ll see where he has differences that are less than positive. Over time, if left unattended, our concern is that they won`t spontaneously improve or develop. That is when he will fall behind and become unsuccessful. Yeah, he`s only three now, but time will not stop for him to let him use that excuse forever.

Throughout his short life this little man has worked so hard to capture the best of his potential - and we have given him that opportunity to work hard. I don`t care that he is high functioning. That`s not a reason for me to sit back and let nature take her course.

So, go ahead and judge me and my son. He is as deserving of the same guidance and I`m going to make sure he gets it.